Karol

God will be there, if you let him.

I grew up in a christian home and accepted Christ into my heart in 8th grade, then again as a young adult. I was always a "good girl", doing the right thing. I didn't really go to church much, just once in awhile. 

I had the perfect wedding, and I thought that I would have the perfect marriage. My husband and I tried having children but couldn't. It put a lot of pressure on our marriage and we wound up getting a divorce. I'll never forget my husband telling me that I wasn't good enough for him because I couldn't have children.

Right after our divorce I was depressed and it was at that point, instead of turning to Christ, that I turned to a relationship with a man. I thought that it would bring me happiness, but I got pregnant instead. Having a child out of wedlock has to have been one of the most humbling and scary experiences that I have lived through. Her father and I decided not to get married. Looking back, not getting married, was the best decision that we could have made. As scary as raising a child as a single parent was, getting married to the wrong person was even scarier. At the time, I thought that I would die, I was so terrified. God stood by me all the way. He provided everything for me and my child that we needed. I had support from loving friends and family, and all the things that babies need: furniture, clothing, even a nanny that lived next door.

Even though I was single parent I never felt alone and I never felt that I didn't have the support and help that I needed. As it turns out, being a parent is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Despite my unfaithfulness to God, he still blessed me with a healthy and beautiful baby. Since becoming a parent, I have developed a closer relationship with Christ.

I now realize the importance of that relationship. I have come to trust Him and realize that He will always provide for me. I recently lost my job. I'm not afraid because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will provide for me and my daughter. He will always be there for me. I have learned not to stray so far away from Him, but to stay close to Him. There is nothing in this life that can bring you happiness, but Christ.

On one hand I wish that I would have realized this in my younger days. I would have perhaps avoided a lot of pain. However, the pain that I have been through has made me who I am today. God wouldn't have it any other way.